Monday, 5 September 2011
Sorry for the absence
Well where to start! Things have been very chaotic the last couple of months it started with my dad taking ill back in July and he passed away peacefully on the 22nd July there was all the emotions to deal with and preparing for the funeral then the day itself, which alone was exhausting.
The funeral was amazing and the operatic friends of my mum and dad and their other friends have been truly amazing, the whole church was filled with song and music, I swear it lifted the rafters when they started singing. We have had so much support off friends we simply couldn’t have asked for more off anyone.
My mum went up to my brother the following weekend and stayed for 10 days so my husband and I were down looking after her dog who is an absolute pleasure to be with but I was up very early most mornings and trying to keep him occupied and walked and was absolutely worn out by the time we came home.
During this time Rogers new book, To Be A Man was released by forum publishing via Amazon Kindle, I downloaded it but didn’t have chance to touch it for a long time as I was too busy with everything and the video was done and put on YouTube. I am still reading the book and it is brilliant. It is taking me a long time at the moment to read it due to the fact I really am not very well but what I have read o far is great and really tugs at your heart strings. Again it is very different to Broken Cats and Cowboy hats and also to, The Naked emperor, Roger is very talented, to be able to change the vein of the books yet them all be outstanding is a talent few seem to have. If you haven’t seen the book yet you must watch the video and get the book, every sale helps keep the forum running so that we can support people suffering from CFS/M..E
There has been a lot going on with the forum and the Mods have been working flat out to ensure everything runs smoothly whilst many of them are having a really hard time themselves, mixed in with school holidays for them to cope with and family visits. They really are an amazing bunch of people and my hat goes off to them.
My husband and I have made a major decision that we are going to try for a baby, we have said for the last 4 years that our plan was to have a child but due to my deteriorating, rather than improving, health it has been put off and put off waiting for that miraculous recovery. We have come to the conclusion that it isn’t going to happen any time soon and as we are both not getting any younger it is time to set the ball in motion and start preparing. I am currently coming off all my meds and am just down to my supplements and two pain killers a day.
It has hit me like a steam train and I had no idea that my meds did so much for me, I have spent the last week really very ill spending an awful lot of time in bed or sat not able to do anything as I have been so exhausted sore and ill. This is not like me, I am not one to give in and go to bed I will fight through it but I have literally been unable to I have been sat here nearly passing out before I have given in and gone and lay down.
I have had a bad weekend and felt extremely low and literally felt I had gone into meltdown. I couldn’t cope with anything, I felt totally overwhelmed and there was a lot of tears and anger, which as we have said before is really not good for anyone. I have had good chats with some really good friends and today I am climbing back up and feeling more like the Carrie I know, the fight is back, I just needed that time and release I think.
As my husband said I am still dealing with the death of my Dad as I haven’t had time to really rest and let it sink in, I am withdrawing from one hell of a lot of medication and due to stopping my depot injection my hormones will be running amuck, as well as feeling unwell. I bounce back I always do and I am now on the up, even the most well and balanced people have those times where things just seem to overwhelm them, it is how we handle it and what we do to remedy it that is the main thing.
I was talking to our favourite forum owner, our wonderful Angeleyes40 and she hit the nail on the head. She said that when we take on a new project we get a buzz for a while, the excitement of planning things and helping someone but as we are unwell we struggle with it, then something else comes along and we think ohhhh we can do that and that buzz starts again so we say we will do it, this is repeated several times until you have too much on your plate and feel you can’t cope. But if you’re like me you are too stubborn to admit you can’t do it and therefore drive yourself into the ground doing it rather than admit it is too much and share the responsibility with someone else. So in the end you have a massive crash and meltdown like I did this last weekend, get over it and start the whole process again.
Our Wonderful Roger would no doubt tell me off for this but it is just my nature and how ever much sense I see in pacing and not taking on too much at once, I think this is my personality and is going to be very hard to change, I get a buzz out of helping people and doing things which lifts me for while so I chase this feeling when ever I can. It is almost being selfish in being generous if that makes any sense, you want to help people but also get a buzz out of it so both of you are benefitting it is only when you have pushed and pushed for that bit too long that the world seems to be swept from under you for a day or two.
Anyway onwards and upwards and please go and check out Rogers books, they are amazing and not to be missed, already there a re 3 different styles of books, there is something for everyone and I hear along the grapevine there will be more to come in the not too distant future, so you must keep up, you don’t want to miss anything.